Well, it has been just over a week since my last post on the blog. I keep meaning to write another one, but then something pops up and I completely forget all about it. But here I am, writing another one, it’s about the ‘life-changing’ decision I made which I briefly mentioned in my last post. I hope many of you will be able to relate to it as well.
TODAY WAS THE DAY I STARTED WEARING THE HIJAB!
This was not a decision I made out of the blue, it has actually been something that I have been thinking about for quite a long time. During Easter 2012, it was the first time I tried wearing it in the school holidays when I went to the library to revise for my GCSE exams. However, I thought it would be weird for me and my friends at my non-multicultural school if they suddenly see me in a hijab after 4years so I decided against wearing it to school after the Easter holidays. After being in this habit for not wearing it for so long, I stopped wearing it completely.
September last year I moved to a new Sixth Form (Year 12), one which was a lot more multi-cultural than my last one, so I decided to wear it again on the very first day of school. However, that decision didn’t come from the heart and I kept trying to make these excuses in my head to discourage myself from wearing it again after the first day. I was telling myself things like:
‘The headscarf hurts my head and its giving me a headache,’
‘The hijab isn’t comfortable’
‘People are looking at me weirdly because I’m wearing the hijab’
And so on. Anyway, although I had many supportive family members and friends around me who showed me a solution to each of my issues, in the end they simply just asked me if I was ready in my heart. Honestly, back then it was a no. I hated it! I thought I was a freak which made me paranoid every time someone looked at me. Anyway, on the second day of school I took it off.
As the year went on, I made my fair share of mistakes which I regret from the bottom of my heart. Mistakes which I wish I could go back and change but unfortunately I can’t. Although, it is not the most ideal situation, I cannot deny the fact that I have actually learnt some valuable lessons from these stupid mistakes which has taught me to never go down that route again. It was then that I thought about how different, perhaps even better my life would have been if I had just kept it on.
In addition, as time went on, I felt that my knowledge in my faith was increasing from valuable weekly Islamic lessons with a tutor. Although people underestimate the importance of the hijab (as they do not realise that it is in actual fact compulsory in Islam for women), it has never actually been forced upon me. In actual fact I am glad and thankful to my family for this because I would much rather want to wear it instead of being forced to.
Anyway, as the academic year was coming to an end, I felt that I was finally ready to wear it, so I decided that at the start of the new academic year I would turn up at school with it on. However, after thinking it over I realised that I didn’t want to wait that long to start, so what better time than the day my AS results were coming out. Today.
I had so many people around me who were supporting me for my decision, and although there were some people who tried to discourage me from going through with this I realised that I wasn’t wearing the hijab for their satisfaction or their needs, I was wearing it for my faith and Allah (swt). This is why I simply ignored them and continued with what I thought was right.
Muhammad (pbuh) said: ‘Obey your parents unless they ask you to disobey Allah.’ It is your duty and right to wear Hijab therefore you are not sinning if you have to go against your parents’ wishes (when it comes to Islam). Furthermore we are all tested by Allah (swt) especially the ones who start practicing Islam. No matter how small or big the test is, if you are going through a hard time or a rough phase, always know that this is simply a test and it is a sign that Allah (swt) loves you. You may be confused, why would Allah (swt) put you through a hard time if he loves you? Well, think about it like this: Medicine is bitter and disgusting (most of the time) but we still offer medicine, despite its bitterness to the people we love! According to a hadith, ‘The greatest reward comes from the greatest trial. When Allah loves people, He tests them, and whoever accepts it gains the pleasure of Allah and whoever complains earns His wrath.’ (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2396; Ibn Maajah, 4031; classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani.)
Some may support me, some may not. Some may think I have an ulterior motive but honestly I know what my intentions are and so does my lord. In the hereafter I will not have to face those who doubt my intentions, I will have to face Him instead therefore whatever I do is to please Him and no one else.
Also I just want to take this time to clarify one thing, me wearing a hijab does not mean that I’ve become a ‘good Muslim’ overnight. Only Allah (swt) knows the extent of our sins, we as people have no right to judge others upon their actions as for all we know they may have repented to Allah (swt) who may have already forgiven them. What right do we have to judge when our god has forgiven them already?
I am not perfect. Nobody is. But one thing I do believe is that the hijab will help me become a better Muslim (Insha’Allah) than I was before because now if I ever want to do something stupid I will think twice as by wearing a hijab I am representing my faith and I would never ever want to give my beliefs a bad name.
To conclude, I would say to all you Muslim Sisters out there, if you are thinking of wearing the hijab then firstly make sure that it is something that you want to do and then once your mind is fixed, don’t let anyone stop you! Whenever you do something to please Allah (swt), just know that He is on your side regardless of the amount of hardship you have to go through! Also, if you are thinking of wearing the hijab, I would recommend you read a book called ‘Does My Head Look Big In This?’ by Randa Abdel-Fattah. The story is about a 16 year old girl who decides to wear the hijab resulting in different reactions from different family and friends and how she copes with it. Such a brilliant book!!
Insha’Allah, for me, today is truly the beginning to the rest of my life.
Also in the UK, the AS/A2 results came out today, I hope everyone got what they wanted and deserved. If you didn’t do as well as you would have liked, don’t forget whatever happens, happens for a reason! So keep smiling! 🙂